A guy walks into a bar and sees one other man sitting there drinking a beer
looking a little forlorn. There is, also a foot tall midget playing the piano.
The other guy has a magic lamp next him, so the first guy sits down next to him
and asks him if he can have one of the three wishes. The guy says he can because
he has used one and doesn’t feel like using the last two. So, the man rubs the
lamp a genie pops out and asks him for his wish. the man wishes for 1000 bucks.
The genie grants his wish and as soon as he goes away ducks start walking into
the bar. He counts them and there are 1000. He complains”Hey I asked for 1000
bucks not ducks. Then the guy next to him replies “you don’t think I asked for a
12 inches pianist do you?”
Tag Archive: genie
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Building a bridge
A man walking along a beach finds a lamp, picks it up, rubs it and this genie pops out.
The genie says, “For releasing me I shall grant you one wish!”
The man thinks for a minute, and says, “I want you to build a bridge to Hawaii. I’m scared of flying and tend to get seasick.”
The genie replies, “My good lad, do you realize how much it will take to do that? First of all, it will cost millions just to hire the workers. Not to mention all the materials it will take. In addition, there would need to be countless rest stops and gas stations and it would interfere with shipping lanes. I’m sorry, but it just can’t be done. Please choose another wish!”
The man thinks for a minute, and says, “I want to be able to understand women.”
The genie pauses for a moment and says -
“So, this bridge you want…two lanes or four?”
Permanent link to this article: http://www.jokemania.co.za/building-a-bridge/
Genie In A Lamp
A man is walking down a beach during sunset when he stumbles across a lamp. Picking it up he says to himself, “I wonder if it’s magic. I think I’ll rub it and find out.” Well sure enough this man rubs the lamp and a genie pops out. The genie says to the man, “I’m your genie and I am at your command. I shall grant you three wishes on one condition. Everything you wish for, your wife gets double.”Well the man thought about it and finally blurted out, “Give me a million dollars.” So the genie gave him a million dollars and his wife two million while reminding him of the “one condition”.Next the man said, ” I’d like a house on the east coast and a house on the west coast.” So the genie gave him his two houses and his wife four houses.Finally the genie said, “You have one wish remaining but remember, your wife gets double.” So the man thought for nearly an hour about his final wish. Looking up at the genie hovering over the sand he said with a sly grin on his face, “Ok Genie, I want you to beat me half to death.”
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Genie
A man was walking along the beach and found a bottle. He looked around and didn’t see anyone so he opened it. A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, “For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one.”
The man thought for a minute and said, “I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I’m afraid of flying, and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So I wish for a road to be built from here to Hawaii.”
The genie thought for a few minutes and said, “No, I don’t think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved with the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed. No, that is just too much to ask.”
The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, “There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes them tick?”
The genie considered for a few minutes and said, “So, do you want two lanes or four?”
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Evil Genie
There are three guys enjoying a relaxing day of fishing. Out of the blue, they catch a mermaid who begs to be set free in return for granting them each one wish. Now one of the guys just doesn’t believe it and says, “O.K., if you can really grant wishes, then double my I.Q.
The mermaid says, “Done!”
Suddenly the guy starts reciting Shakespeare flawlessly and analyzing it with extreme insight. The second guy is so amazed he says to the mermaid, “Triple my I.Q.”
And the mermaid replies, “Done!”
The guy starts to spout out all the mathematical solutions to problems that have been stumping scientists in various fields. The last guy is so enthralled with the changes in his friends that he says to the mermaid, “Quintiple my I.Q.”
The mermaid looks at him and says, “You know, I normally don’t try to change other people’s minds when they make a wish, but I really wish you would reconsider.
The guy replies, “No, I want to increase my I.Q. times five and if you don’t do it, I won’t set you free.”
“Please,” says the mermaid, “You don’t know what your asking…it’ll change your entire view of the universe…won’t you ask for something else..a million dollars, anything?”
But no matter what the mermaid said, the guy insisted on having his I.Q. increased by five times it’s usual power.
So the mermaid sighed and said, “Done!”
And with that, he became a woman!
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Genie In A Bottle
Two men are walking along the beach on day when they find a bottle buried in the sand. As they are brushing the sand off, a genie pops out and tells them he will give each of them one wish. After thinking a moment the first man says, I wish I were the world’s smartest man.” “Done, says the genie, and the man suddenly starts explaining Einstein�s Theory of Relativity to his friend. The second man thinks for a moment, then says, “I want to be smarter than him!” “Done,” says the genie, and turns him into a woman!
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Clinton and the Genie
Bill Clinton is walking around in the White House when he stumbles upon a very old lamp. He picks it up and rubs it. Within seconds, a genie pops out
“I will grant you but one wish” the genie says.
Clinton thinks it over, and says, “I wish for peace in the middle east.”
“Where is that?” the genie asks.
Clinton pulls out a map and points to the mid-east.
“Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how long they’ve been fighting over there? There’s no way I can stop that! Pick another wish instead.”
Clinton thinks it over and says, “I wish that the American people wouldn’t make fun of me and my wife, and that I will be remembered as the best President of all time.”
The genie says, “Let me see that map again.”
Permanent link to this article: http://www.jokemania.co.za/clinton-and-the-genie/
Desert Island
Three blondes are stuck on a desert island and one finds a magic lamp. They rub it and a genie pops out and gives them each a wish. the first blonde says, “I wish I was 10% smarter so I could get off of this island.” Then she turns into a redhead and swims off the island. The second sees what happens and says “I wish I was 25% smarter so that I can get off this island!” She then turns into a brunette, makes a raft from trees and sails off. Finally, the third blonde says “I wish I was 50% smarter so I can get off this island.” She then suddenly turns into a man and walks across the bridge.
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The Genie
A blonde was walking along the beach when she finds an old bottle floating in the water. The blonde goes over and picks it up and notices a cork in the top of the bottle. She pulls out the cork and a genie pops out.
“Thankyou for letting me out after 10000 years, stuck in that bottle and to say thankyou I will give you 3 wishes.
The blonde thinks for a little while and finally decides on her first wish.
“I would like to be 10% smarter”
The genie does her magic and she is turned into a red head.
“I don’t think I am smart enough yet, I would like to be 100% smarter than what I am”
So the Genie does her magic a second time and she turns in to a brunette.
“I don’t think I am smart enough yet I would like to be 1000% smarter than what I am”
So the genie turns her into a man!
Permanent link to this article: http://www.jokemania.co.za/the-genie-3/
Osama bin Genie
While trying to escape through Pakistan, Osama Bin Laden found a bottle
On a beach and picked it up. Suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said “Master, may I grant you one wish?”
“You ignorant unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don’t you know who I am? I don’t need any common woman giving me anything” barked Bin Laden.
The shocked genie said “Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever.”
Osama thought a moment. Then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman, and said “Very well, I want to awaken with three white women in my bed in the morning, so just do it and be off with you !”
The annoyed genie said, “So be it !” and disappeared.
The next morning Bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton.
His penis was gone, his knee was broken, and he had no health insurance.
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