Their were three blondes on an island, not to far away from the other side, but far enough not able to swim across.
One of the blondes goes up to a lamp on the sand and rubs the lamp. The genie comes out and says, “I will give you each one wish.”"
One of the blondes walks up and says
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Its friday afternoon and a class of grade twos are waiting to go home,the teacher stands up and “says” anyone who can answer this question can take monday off,she asks how many buckets of sand in the Arizona desert. The kids are stuned,the teacher says alright,no one can answer the question, no one can have a long weekend. The following friday the teacher asks how many buckets of water in the Atlantic Ocean, and once again no could answer it. The next thursday after school one of the students from that class went home and grabed two golf balls from his garage,painted them black let them dry and took them to school the next day. Its five minutes to three and this kid knows that the teacher is going to ask a dumb question so he stands up and throws the golf balls at the black board and sits down really fast,The teacher stands up and says,whos the comedian with the two black balls, the kid stand up and says “Bill Cosby” see you all on Tuesday.
Permanent link to this article: http://www.jokemania.co.za/friday-afternoon/
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a vulture?
A: The lawyer gets frequent flyer miles.
Q: What do you do if you run over a lawyer?
A: Back over him to make sure. Then, make another notch on the steering wheel.
Q: Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do have have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: When lawyers die, why are they buried in a hole 24 feet deep?
A: Because down deep, they are all nice guys!
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: Do you know how to save a drowning lawyer?
A1: Take your foot off his head.
A2: No. Good!
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A: Shoot him before he hits the water.
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.
Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in “that’s a shame”)?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
Permanent link to this article: http://www.jokemania.co.za/lawyer-quickies-2/
En cierta ocasi�n se hizo un concurso entre los mejores arqueros del mundo. Ya llegada la final s�lo quedaban tres competidores: uno de Suiza, otro de Inglaterra y por �ltimo, sepa c�mo le hizo, pero estaba un mexicano. Como en la �ltima prueba los tres finalistas estaban empatados, los jueces decidieron aumentar el grado de dificultad y ahora se trataba de poner alguna fruta en la cabeza de un ni�o que estar�a a 50 m de distancia y luego disparar con el arco y acertar en ella.
Primero va el ingl�s y �ste coge una sand�a y se la pone al ni�o en la cabeza; prepara su arco. Se siembra un silencio total en todo el estadio. Dispara y acierta partiendo en dos la fruta. Se lleva una gran ovaci�n del p�blico. Terminado su turno, coge el micr�fono y presumiendo a todo mundo se presenta:
“I’m Robin Hood”.
Toca turno al suizo, pero �ste en vez de una sand�a coge una manzana y la coloca en la cabeza del ni�o. Entonces, un silencio enorme se apodera del estadio. La gente est� sorprendida, ya que la manzana es muy peque�a. El arquero cogi� su arco, apunt� y con un disparo certero le da justo en el centro parti�ndola en cuatro partes. El estadio explota con una gran ovaci�n. Y tambi�n, una vez terminado su turno, agarr� el micr�fono y presumi� a todo mundo:
“I’m Guillermo Tell”.
Por �ltimo, el m�s freg�n de todos: el grandioso y majestuoso mexicano. Quien arras� con todos sus contrincantes en las otras fases y es recibido con una estruendosa ovaci�n cuanto toca su turno. De su bolsa, el competidor saca un objeto y lo pone en la cabeza del ni�o. Intrigados, los espectadores se preguntaban qu� era esa bolita roja que se ve�a a lo lejos. Gracias a las pantallas gigantes que hab�a en el estadio, pudieron ver que se trataba de una min�scula cereza que apenas se pod�a ver en la cabeza del ni�o. Para hacer m�s dif�cil la prueba, coloca al ni�o a 100 m de distancia. Esta vez se siente un silencio sepulcral en el estadio. Ni un respiro se o�a. Nada. Como si estuviera solo, el mexicano coge su arco, apunta, dispara la flecha que se va viajando a m�s de 100 Km/h… �Zas! La flecha se clava justamente en medio de la frente, atraves�ndole la cabeza al ni�o. El mexicano coge el micr�fono y dice:
“I’m Sorry”.
Permanent link to this article: http://www.jokemania.co.za/en-cierta-ocasi%ef%bf%bdn-se-hizo/
What did the girl say to moses when they were in the desert for
40 years and she tried to have sex with him?
Oh, Moses…..your dick is scraching my pussy! You took a sand
bath agian?
Permanent link to this article: http://www.jokemania.co.za/sand-bath/
How did the sand get wet?
The sea weed!
Permanent link to this article: http://www.jokemania.co.za/the-beach/
LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn’t, how do you explain the way it works against you?
Permanent link to this article: http://www.jokemania.co.za/the-laws-of-golf-11/
A vacationing golfer was out playing on a course that he had never played before. He hired a caddie from the pro shop to show him the layout of the course, and help him decide what shots to play.
On the first tee, the golfer missed his shot, and it dribbled forward about 15 yards. He was slightly embarrassed, but determined to play a better second shot. He hit his second shot into the bordering fairway, and his third shot into a sand trap. By the time he holed out on this Par 4, he was 6 over par.
The man turned to his caddie and said, “Well, I have never played this badly before!”
To which the caddie replied, “I didn’t realize you had played before, sir.”
Permanent link to this article: http://www.jokemania.co.za/excuses-excuses/
Goldie was sitting on a beach, attempting to strike up a conversation with the attractive gentleman reading on the blanket beside hers.
“Hello, sir,” she said, “Do you like movies?”
“Yes, I do,” he responded, then returned to his book.
Goldie persisted. “Do you like gardening?”
The man again looked up from his book. “Yes, I do,” he said politely before returning to his reading.
Undaunted, Goldie asked, Do you like pussycats?”
With that the man dropped his book and pounced on Goldie, ravaging her as she’d never been ravaged before.
As the cloud of sand began to settle, Goldie dragged herself to a sitting position and panted, “How did you know that was what I wanted?”
The man thought for a moment and replied, “How did you know that my name was Katz?”
Permanent link to this article: http://www.jokemania.co.za/do-you-like-pussycats/
There was a little old man who really took care of his body. He lifted weights and jogged six miles every day. One morning he looked into the mirror and was admiring his body when he noticed that he was suntanned over his entire body with the exception of his penis. He decided to do something about it. So he went to the beach, undressed completely, and buried himself in the sand except for his penis.
Just then two little old ladies were strolling along the beach, one walking with a cane. Upon seeing this “thing” sticking out of the sand, she began to move it about with her cane. She remarked to the other little old lady,
“There ain’t hardly no justice in this world.”
The other little old lady asked, “What do you mean by that?”
“Well,” the first lady said, “When I was 20, I was curious about it.
“When I was 30, I enjoyed it.
“When I was 40, I asked for it.
“When I was 50, I paid for it.
“When I was 60, I prayed for it.
“When I was 70, I forgot about it.”
And now that I’m 80, the damn things are growing wild, and I’m too old to squat !”
Permanent link to this article: http://www.jokemania.co.za/finding-a-penis/